This week’s
Torah portion is Chukat which is full of more narrative with the death of Aaron
and Miriam, the movement closer to Canaan and we sense the closing of this part
of our history on the horizon. But being
that it is Fathers’ Day weekend I want to focus on a smaller but significant
part of the story. This is the Torah
portion where we learn about the ritual of the Red Heifer. You see a person becomes tameh (ritually impure or unclean) by touching or being under the
same roof with a dead person, was purified with the mei eifer parah adumah, the ashes of a pure red heifer mixed with
spring water. What is fascinating about this ritual is the act of creating the
mixture of ashes and water renders the person doing it tameh while the person it is used for becomes clean. A red heifer is a rare animal and tradition
teaches that from the time of Moses to the destruction of the Temple in
Jerusalem in the year 70CE there were only 9 red heifers that were used. That said the birth of a Red Heifer is an
important story, even today, in Israel, when a candidate calf is born there are
those hoping for a new Temple being built will make it a worldwide news story
like in 1997 when one was discovered.
But how do we link it to Fathers’ Day?
Well
because one of our mitzvot is honoring our parents, and it is one that the
Rabbis teach is the hardest to do. Not
because all parents are bad, but respecting our parents becomes harder as we
forge our own identity in life. It is not easy to do exactly as our parents
wish when we become our own people. But
there is a story that links a red heifer with a lesson taught to us from a non-Jew
who knew how to practice this important yet difficult mitzvah.
Rabbi
Eliezer was asked: How far does one have to respect parents? He said: Go and
see what Dama Ben Nisina, a non-Jew in Ashkelon, did for his father.
Some Levites
were sent to buy from Dama a jewel of
extraordinary worth and beauty to replace missing stones on the High Priest's
breast plate. The jewels were locked in a safe box, the key under the head of
Dama’s father as he slept. Dama told the
men to come back later, but thinking it was a trick the Levites kept raising
their offer. Dama refused even at twice
the normal price for he would not wake his tired father to sell the jewel. Frustrated the Levites left and returned
later to buy the jewel and Dama sold it to them at the proper price and not at
the inflated rate for he felt he should not benefit from respecting his
father. In the next season Dama’s flock was blessed
with a perfect Red Heifer that would bring him wealth from the same Levites for
its rarity commanded a great price. In
that moment the Levites understood better the mitzvah of honoring one’s
parent.
While I
don’t believe in divine rewards and punishments for our actions I believe there
is some value in exploring even the hardest of mitzvot and trying to make them
work in your life. This story shows us
that simple things like not disturbing a sleeping father (or mother) can be
seen as a great mitzvah as it sets a tone for greater opportunity to honor a
parent. (this section can be read aloud
to children) This can be true of all the
mitzvot. We shouldn’t live our lives
Jewishly because we hope God will give us a red heifer or the modern equivalent. We should seek out the ways our Torah teaches
us to live that honor the world we live in because when we do we bring holiness
into our lives and the lives of those around us. Honoring our parents does not mean giving up
who we are but it means acknowledging who they are, their wisdom, their
identity and frankly the moments in time that they formed. That does not mean we can’t challenge them
nor they us. I learned so much from my
dad in the short time I had him and frankly as he was I likely would not have
much in common with him today. But as I approach
tomorrow, I know that I can take the best from him even some 35 years after he
left. Honor Dad (and Mom) tomorrow in
the way you can. I know for some it will
be hard. The mitzvot in my opinion are
not supposed to be rules we must avoid breaking but guides to help us build a
better world. It was never meant to be
easy. Each time we use them to form a
new way to operate in the world we add to a new and better place, regardless
how small the gesture may be. Dama let
his dad sleep instead of gain a huge profit. Sometimes it takes baby steps for us, but
remember that baby steps toward a better world means you are still moving in
the right direction.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe sentence that most resonated with me is the following one:
ReplyDelete"Honoring our parents does not mean giving up who we are but it means acknowledging who they are, their wisdom, their identity and frankly the moments in time that they formed."
Many of the actions/decisions that I made as a newly-independent adult were often triggered by desire to respond differently than my parent did. "Please," I used to pray, "don't let me repeat my parent's mistakes.... Let me make my own."
With age and experience, I like to think that I've made some progress in regarding my parent as a person with strengths and weaknesses, who offered the best wisdom possible, given who she was.